Sorry all that I haven't wrote a blog in....well, forever!! Honestly I didn't think anyone was really reading them anyway so I just kind of stopped. Then I had someone ask why I hadn't written in so long. So....here it is! I really have no idea what I'm going to write about tonight. I'm tired. I'm bitchy. I'm grouchy. The kids were being complete bum holes this afternoon. The Hubs went back to work tonight for his four nights on then eight days off. He has the weirdest schedule! It's nice that he does have long stretches off but it really screws shit up. Any who....
I'm sitting here enjoying a glass of Yellow Tail Sweet Red Roo (LOVVVVE that stuff!!!). Kids are in bed but are still blabbing. The boys anyway. I'd love to put the oldest in the bedroom downstairs but honestly, I'm not ready for that just yet. He just barely turned 7. He "sees ghosts and eyes" and all sorts of scary shit all the time. I'm not ready to be woke up every 10 min because he saw another pair of blue or green or red flashing eyes. Mind you, it's not a creepy basement in that it's not all dark and dingy and doesn't smell like old, moldy gym socks and armpits. It's a day light basement. Looks like the rest of the house. Although, the thought of what the rest of the house looks like right now makes me shiver!! But, I'm in one of those don't really give two shits about the laundry or the dishes or the fact that I haven't vacuumed since I can't remember kind of moods. The kids are in bed! And as I write this, the talking upstairs has stopped.....EXHALE!!
Just feeling overwhelmed right now. Don't know why. I really need a vacation. Without the kids. I know that sounds awful. Your kids are suppose to be your everything. Believe me, they are. Sometimes I just need everything to leave me the fuck alone though! I need a day where I can just sit on my lazy ass and do NOTHING!! I love to coupon. Let me say that again....I LOVE TO COUPON!!! It's like crack for me! Who has the best prices in town. Where can I get the best coupon to match the sales ad. What can I get a shit load for for practically free. But I have to say, lately, even that's not really doing it for me. I don't want to say I'm depressed. I think I'm just, dare I say it, bored. I've lived away from old friends and family pretty much since high school. Yes, I've had other friends. Yes, I moved back home and stayed for a few years. Yes, I made other friends. But here we are in Alaska. I'm use to my own routine. I'm use to being by ourselves. I'm use to not having other people over all the time. I'm use to not having other people's kids messing with shit. Buttttt......I also think I'm getting lonely for friends. *whisper so they can't hear* And...I'm getting lonely for family. My only family here is a cousin and her husband. They live in Anchorage, which is 50 miles away. We don't see them very often though. I do have friends here but our lives are just so hectic that it never seems that we see each other. My only other close friend whom is also a cousin lives in fecking Wyoming!! Her husband would move here in a heart beat. Her? Not so much. She's more of a pack up and move to Phoenix kind of girl. Phoenix?!!! Really Cari???? You do realize it gets like 15,000 degrees in the shade right? You do realize that those are cactus and not trees right? And for shit's sake, that's a fucking man eating lizard not a fucking dog!!!! That shit scares me!! I've been to Phoenix. Many times. I almost moved there after I did my stent in southern CA. Key word here is almost. Instead, I packed up my shit and meandered back home to good ol' Montana. Where the men are men and the sheep are scared. BAHAHAHA!!
Life in MT is much different than anywhere else I've lived. I was born and raised in a po' dunk little town. Population: 500 (people), 5 gazillion (cows)
There were wheat fields as far as you could see. Montana is known for it's "Big Sky". It's absolutely true! You can literally see for miles and miles. It's colder than a witch's tit in the winter and Phoenix desert hot in the summer. I can sum it up for you in four words. I FUCKING HATED IT!! I came from a broken home full of resentment and some times hate. My mother married too young to a man she barely knew because she was pregnant and "that's just what you did back then". They then went on to have three more children. She divorced him because he devoted his life to hunting and fishing and alcohol, which wasn't a horrible thing. The horrible thing was, he chose to do those things with his buddies. Fuck the family!
She then went on to marry a real doozzy! He was a raging alcoholic. He was an asshole to her. He was an asshole to us. He was an asshole to EVERYONE!! BUT she stayed with the fucker despite everyone's warnings. Despite her own children's protests. They beat. the. shit. out of each other all the time. He punched holes in the walls. He flipped over chairs and tables. They screamed and hollered and drank and fought and we were in the middle of it all. She hated him. She loved him. She hated herself. She hated herself. She hated herself. Me? I hated my mother. I know, hate is a really strong word but it's the only one that I can think of that doesn't have a string of 500 curse words in front and behind it. I still don't have a lot of respect for her but that's for another blog and another time. Soooooo.....after high school, I packed all of my meager belongings in my little Dodge Shadow and scooted my happy ass to sunny Southern California! It. Was. Awesome. Small town girl in California!! I had a boyfriend there in the Marines. He and some other friends that were also in the Marines we living down there. We had a blast! Best time of my life. Then he turned out to be the dick my mom always warned me he was and we split the sheets. I moved out on my own. Stayed another year. Partied my ass off!! Then, moved back to MT. I figured I should probably grow up at some point in my life. Stop being a temp at shitty little companies making shit for wages while doing data entry. It was fun while it lasted though. Let me just say that Club A in Tijuana use to be "where it's at"!!! WARNING MOMS AND DADS: DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN PARTY AT CLUB A IN TJ!!! It's a very dangerous place where the cover charge is less than a couple happy meals and the alcohol is free! ALSO, it's crawling with Marines that have migrated south from Camp Pendelton for the evening. Very hot, muscle bound, ripped Marines. The club also stayed open until 5AM. VERY DANGEROUS!!!! But oh soooo much fucking fun!!!
I always say that I hope my children go and live their lives and explore the world. I want them to move out of state. Meet new people. Make new friends. Go on wild adventures into the wild blue yonder. But please kids, don't do it in Tijuana, Mexico!!! Strange things happen there during the day. Even stranger things come out at night!!
So now you have a little more back ground on my life and who I am. Hope you enjoyed my novel! I think this blogging thing is good for me. I don't know if you all like it but I do! LOL It gives me a chance to vent. Gives me a chance to be who I am and say what I'm thinking without "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" What child??? "He took my toy and even though we have 5 of the almost exact same thing, I want that one!!! Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!"
So without further ado, I must go. My wine is getting warm!!
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