Saturday, April 27, 2013
Who's that bitch over there??!!!
I know that this short but "sweet" entry will not explain everything but it will in fact make me feel better. I have been a big bitch lately. I know I have. I keep blaming it on a period or the kids being a-holes. Yes, I just said my kids are a-holes from time to time. It's the truth!! Every child has their fucking moments! Apparently that shit never goes away and tis the reason I am writing this crappy post.
So here goes....Have you ever been so angry at someone for not being the person you thought they were? To the point that you want to tell them to go fuck themselves? To the point that you don't really care if you ever speak to them again? To the point that you wish they would just lose your fucking number? To the point where you know if you do ever talk to them again that you will most likely leave them in a crying, slobbering, snotting heap all while wishing you had the correct plumbing so you could piss on them before walking away?
Yeah, me neither.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
How's your dingle berries??
We started the day like any other here on the home front. Mass confusion followed by mass fuckery followed by mom losing her shit. Why do kids have to act that way?? Why is one day any different from the other? When did it become "ok" to do as we please rather than what needs to be got the hell done in the mornings??? Every. Single. Morning...."Hey guys, get dressed, brush your teeth and make your beds". Yes, I know they're only 4 and 7 but all I've asked them to do is "sit on your pillow, grab the corners of the sheet and comforter and pull 'em up". Simple right?? Apparently not!! I still have to tell them every single day to do those three simple tasks. Also, the boys have bunk beds. My fat ass is not schlepping up the ladder to make anyone's bed. AND every time I bend down to make the smallish one's bed, I whack my fucking head. Every. Damn. Time.
As I said we started this day like any other, then shit went south real fast.....The oldest felt it was his morning to tell me how shit was going to go down. The middle one decided he wasn't getting dressed and he was NOT going to go to preschool. The littlest one just ran in circles singing some annoying Dora song. I was sure eventually she'd fall down and barf from being dizzy but no. She just kept on going. Kids are so fricking weird!! All of this of course drove the mom into a complete mental awareness of her pending doom. Of course I was tired. Of course I didn't go to bed early enough last night. Of course I just wanted to go back to sleep and forget that school even exists. BUT...I couldn't. So instead, I put the smack down! I wasn't having the attitude of a 7 yr old and the stubborn bullshit of a 4 yr old slow me down! I was going to get through this morning! There would be survivors damn it!!! I'm a nurse! I save people's asses all the time! I hold pressure on profusely bleeding wounds! I pull people back from the brink of "the light" all the time! I perform CPR! I give mouth-to-mouth for fuck's sake!! *shudder* I HAVE to keep my cool in these situations! I can do this shit! Or....at least I thought I could. Today was NOT my fucking day!
The ride to school was an immense mess of screaming, fighting, arguing and just mass bullshit! I've never seen two people more fucking concerned with the other one's toy in my life! It was ri-dic-u-lous!!! "I want that! Give it to me now!" "NO, I HAD IT FIRST!" Whack, smack, scream, holler, scream some more....Then, oh then, enter mom. Mind you, I have never talked to my kids the way I did today...ever! I had had enough!! Could not take anymore bullshit! We were running almost 20 minutes late. TWENTY!!! I was past the eye twitch phase. I was past the steam pouring from my ears phase. I was in the glowing red eyes, waiting in the shadows to pounce and eat them raw, while screaming like a banshee phase!
Without warning, I yanked the wheel to the side of the road. I slammed on the brakes. I whipped around and proceeded to start screaming! Not yelling but SCREAMING!! I don't even remember what I said. I just know it was horrible!!!! Needless to say, the rest of the ride was extremely quite. I got the 4yr old dropped off and headed to the 7yr old's school. Of course we were 15 min. late for one and 10 min. early for the other. SMFH!! The school doesn't want the kids to go in too early so I pulled into the parking lot in hopes of apologizing for becoming Poltergeist earlier. And then it happened, the 7yr old started in on me! "I want to go in. Why can't I go in? I want to go in NOW mommy! All of my friends are going in. I want to go in!!! Mommy!! Mommy!!! MOMMMMMMYYYY!!!!"
I finally, very calmly turned to him and said, "You will go in when it is time. If you say one more word about going in, you will NEVER go in again! Do you understand what I'm laying down here?" He didn't get it and of course it just led to more bitching and whining and moaning and complaining until I finally told him to get out and go in. "Have a good day, bud!" "Whatever....mommy" Yes child, what-the-fuck-ever.
After school was even worse. It was a total melt down about going to karate. A mess of quantum levels in the parking lot at karate. I was so mad that my heart was hurting. I do not mean "breaking". I mean hurting! My left arm was numb. The fingers on my left hand were tingling. I was sure I was going to die right there! The child's incessant mockery of my parenting abilities then led to a skipped karate and a come home literally minutes before karate was starting. Then a fast jog to the bedroom for the night with the warning to never emerge again....at least not until morning.
I was left wondering, Why can't I be sent to my room for bad behavior?? I'd break every glass object, slam every door, throw every toy in this house to enjoy the peace and quite of my room for the evening if that's what it took!
Today sucked huge sweaty dingle berry assholes!! I can honestly say, I hated today. I hated everything about this shitty, sweaty, ass sucking day. All I know is, I have no idea whom that lady was today and I never want to meet her again! She was, bluntly, a fucking raging cunt and she scared me.
Night friends.
Meccala
As I said we started this day like any other, then shit went south real fast.....The oldest felt it was his morning to tell me how shit was going to go down. The middle one decided he wasn't getting dressed and he was NOT going to go to preschool. The littlest one just ran in circles singing some annoying Dora song. I was sure eventually she'd fall down and barf from being dizzy but no. She just kept on going. Kids are so fricking weird!! All of this of course drove the mom into a complete mental awareness of her pending doom. Of course I was tired. Of course I didn't go to bed early enough last night. Of course I just wanted to go back to sleep and forget that school even exists. BUT...I couldn't. So instead, I put the smack down! I wasn't having the attitude of a 7 yr old and the stubborn bullshit of a 4 yr old slow me down! I was going to get through this morning! There would be survivors damn it!!! I'm a nurse! I save people's asses all the time! I hold pressure on profusely bleeding wounds! I pull people back from the brink of "the light" all the time! I perform CPR! I give mouth-to-mouth for fuck's sake!! *shudder* I HAVE to keep my cool in these situations! I can do this shit! Or....at least I thought I could. Today was NOT my fucking day!
The ride to school was an immense mess of screaming, fighting, arguing and just mass bullshit! I've never seen two people more fucking concerned with the other one's toy in my life! It was ri-dic-u-lous!!! "I want that! Give it to me now!" "NO, I HAD IT FIRST!" Whack, smack, scream, holler, scream some more....Then, oh then, enter mom. Mind you, I have never talked to my kids the way I did today...ever! I had had enough!! Could not take anymore bullshit! We were running almost 20 minutes late. TWENTY!!! I was past the eye twitch phase. I was past the steam pouring from my ears phase. I was in the glowing red eyes, waiting in the shadows to pounce and eat them raw, while screaming like a banshee phase!
Without warning, I yanked the wheel to the side of the road. I slammed on the brakes. I whipped around and proceeded to start screaming! Not yelling but SCREAMING!! I don't even remember what I said. I just know it was horrible!!!! Needless to say, the rest of the ride was extremely quite. I got the 4yr old dropped off and headed to the 7yr old's school. Of course we were 15 min. late for one and 10 min. early for the other. SMFH!! The school doesn't want the kids to go in too early so I pulled into the parking lot in hopes of apologizing for becoming Poltergeist earlier. And then it happened, the 7yr old started in on me! "I want to go in. Why can't I go in? I want to go in NOW mommy! All of my friends are going in. I want to go in!!! Mommy!! Mommy!!! MOMMMMMMYYYY!!!!"
I finally, very calmly turned to him and said, "You will go in when it is time. If you say one more word about going in, you will NEVER go in again! Do you understand what I'm laying down here?" He didn't get it and of course it just led to more bitching and whining and moaning and complaining until I finally told him to get out and go in. "Have a good day, bud!" "Whatever....mommy" Yes child, what-the-fuck-ever.
After school was even worse. It was a total melt down about going to karate. A mess of quantum levels in the parking lot at karate. I was so mad that my heart was hurting. I do not mean "breaking". I mean hurting! My left arm was numb. The fingers on my left hand were tingling. I was sure I was going to die right there! The child's incessant mockery of my parenting abilities then led to a skipped karate and a come home literally minutes before karate was starting. Then a fast jog to the bedroom for the night with the warning to never emerge again....at least not until morning.
I was left wondering, Why can't I be sent to my room for bad behavior?? I'd break every glass object, slam every door, throw every toy in this house to enjoy the peace and quite of my room for the evening if that's what it took!
Today sucked huge sweaty dingle berry assholes!! I can honestly say, I hated today. I hated everything about this shitty, sweaty, ass sucking day. All I know is, I have no idea whom that lady was today and I never want to meet her again! She was, bluntly, a fucking raging cunt and she scared me.
Night friends.
Meccala
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Sorry it's been so long....
Sorry all that I haven't wrote a blog in....well, forever!! Honestly I didn't think anyone was really reading them anyway so I just kind of stopped. Then I had someone ask why I hadn't written in so long. So....here it is! I really have no idea what I'm going to write about tonight. I'm tired. I'm bitchy. I'm grouchy. The kids were being complete bum holes this afternoon. The Hubs went back to work tonight for his four nights on then eight days off. He has the weirdest schedule! It's nice that he does have long stretches off but it really screws shit up. Any who....
I'm sitting here enjoying a glass of Yellow Tail Sweet Red Roo (LOVVVVE that stuff!!!). Kids are in bed but are still blabbing. The boys anyway. I'd love to put the oldest in the bedroom downstairs but honestly, I'm not ready for that just yet. He just barely turned 7. He "sees ghosts and eyes" and all sorts of scary shit all the time. I'm not ready to be woke up every 10 min because he saw another pair of blue or green or red flashing eyes. Mind you, it's not a creepy basement in that it's not all dark and dingy and doesn't smell like old, moldy gym socks and armpits. It's a day light basement. Looks like the rest of the house. Although, the thought of what the rest of the house looks like right now makes me shiver!! But, I'm in one of those don't really give two shits about the laundry or the dishes or the fact that I haven't vacuumed since I can't remember kind of moods. The kids are in bed! And as I write this, the talking upstairs has stopped.....EXHALE!!
Just feeling overwhelmed right now. Don't know why. I really need a vacation. Without the kids. I know that sounds awful. Your kids are suppose to be your everything. Believe me, they are. Sometimes I just need everything to leave me the fuck alone though! I need a day where I can just sit on my lazy ass and do NOTHING!! I love to coupon. Let me say that again....I LOVE TO COUPON!!! It's like crack for me! Who has the best prices in town. Where can I get the best coupon to match the sales ad. What can I get a shit load for for practically free. But I have to say, lately, even that's not really doing it for me. I don't want to say I'm depressed. I think I'm just, dare I say it, bored. I've lived away from old friends and family pretty much since high school. Yes, I've had other friends. Yes, I moved back home and stayed for a few years. Yes, I made other friends. But here we are in Alaska. I'm use to my own routine. I'm use to being by ourselves. I'm use to not having other people over all the time. I'm use to not having other people's kids messing with shit. Buttttt......I also think I'm getting lonely for friends. *whisper so they can't hear* And...I'm getting lonely for family. My only family here is a cousin and her husband. They live in Anchorage, which is 50 miles away. We don't see them very often though. I do have friends here but our lives are just so hectic that it never seems that we see each other. My only other close friend whom is also a cousin lives in fecking Wyoming!! Her husband would move here in a heart beat. Her? Not so much. She's more of a pack up and move to Phoenix kind of girl. Phoenix?!!! Really Cari???? You do realize it gets like 15,000 degrees in the shade right? You do realize that those are cactus and not trees right? And for shit's sake, that's a fucking man eating lizard not a fucking dog!!!! That shit scares me!! I've been to Phoenix. Many times. I almost moved there after I did my stent in southern CA. Key word here is almost. Instead, I packed up my shit and meandered back home to good ol' Montana. Where the men are men and the sheep are scared. BAHAHAHA!!
Life in MT is much different than anywhere else I've lived. I was born and raised in a po' dunk little town. Population: 500 (people), 5 gazillion (cows)
There were wheat fields as far as you could see. Montana is known for it's "Big Sky". It's absolutely true! You can literally see for miles and miles. It's colder than a witch's tit in the winter and Phoenix desert hot in the summer. I can sum it up for you in four words. I FUCKING HATED IT!! I came from a broken home full of resentment and some times hate. My mother married too young to a man she barely knew because she was pregnant and "that's just what you did back then". They then went on to have three more children. She divorced him because he devoted his life to hunting and fishing and alcohol, which wasn't a horrible thing. The horrible thing was, he chose to do those things with his buddies. Fuck the family!
She then went on to marry a real doozzy! He was a raging alcoholic. He was an asshole to her. He was an asshole to us. He was an asshole to EVERYONE!! BUT she stayed with the fucker despite everyone's warnings. Despite her own children's protests. They beat. the. shit. out of each other all the time. He punched holes in the walls. He flipped over chairs and tables. They screamed and hollered and drank and fought and we were in the middle of it all. She hated him. She loved him. She hated herself. She hated herself. She hated herself. Me? I hated my mother. I know, hate is a really strong word but it's the only one that I can think of that doesn't have a string of 500 curse words in front and behind it. I still don't have a lot of respect for her but that's for another blog and another time. Soooooo.....after high school, I packed all of my meager belongings in my little Dodge Shadow and scooted my happy ass to sunny Southern California! It. Was. Awesome. Small town girl in California!! I had a boyfriend there in the Marines. He and some other friends that were also in the Marines we living down there. We had a blast! Best time of my life. Then he turned out to be the dick my mom always warned me he was and we split the sheets. I moved out on my own. Stayed another year. Partied my ass off!! Then, moved back to MT. I figured I should probably grow up at some point in my life. Stop being a temp at shitty little companies making shit for wages while doing data entry. It was fun while it lasted though. Let me just say that Club A in Tijuana use to be "where it's at"!!! WARNING MOMS AND DADS: DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN PARTY AT CLUB A IN TJ!!! It's a very dangerous place where the cover charge is less than a couple happy meals and the alcohol is free! ALSO, it's crawling with Marines that have migrated south from Camp Pendelton for the evening. Very hot, muscle bound, ripped Marines. The club also stayed open until 5AM. VERY DANGEROUS!!!! But oh soooo much fucking fun!!!
I always say that I hope my children go and live their lives and explore the world. I want them to move out of state. Meet new people. Make new friends. Go on wild adventures into the wild blue yonder. But please kids, don't do it in Tijuana, Mexico!!! Strange things happen there during the day. Even stranger things come out at night!!
So now you have a little more back ground on my life and who I am. Hope you enjoyed my novel! I think this blogging thing is good for me. I don't know if you all like it but I do! LOL It gives me a chance to vent. Gives me a chance to be who I am and say what I'm thinking without "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" What child??? "He took my toy and even though we have 5 of the almost exact same thing, I want that one!!! Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!"
So without further ado, I must go. My wine is getting warm!!
I'm sitting here enjoying a glass of Yellow Tail Sweet Red Roo (LOVVVVE that stuff!!!). Kids are in bed but are still blabbing. The boys anyway. I'd love to put the oldest in the bedroom downstairs but honestly, I'm not ready for that just yet. He just barely turned 7. He "sees ghosts and eyes" and all sorts of scary shit all the time. I'm not ready to be woke up every 10 min because he saw another pair of blue or green or red flashing eyes. Mind you, it's not a creepy basement in that it's not all dark and dingy and doesn't smell like old, moldy gym socks and armpits. It's a day light basement. Looks like the rest of the house. Although, the thought of what the rest of the house looks like right now makes me shiver!! But, I'm in one of those don't really give two shits about the laundry or the dishes or the fact that I haven't vacuumed since I can't remember kind of moods. The kids are in bed! And as I write this, the talking upstairs has stopped.....EXHALE!!
Just feeling overwhelmed right now. Don't know why. I really need a vacation. Without the kids. I know that sounds awful. Your kids are suppose to be your everything. Believe me, they are. Sometimes I just need everything to leave me the fuck alone though! I need a day where I can just sit on my lazy ass and do NOTHING!! I love to coupon. Let me say that again....I LOVE TO COUPON!!! It's like crack for me! Who has the best prices in town. Where can I get the best coupon to match the sales ad. What can I get a shit load for for practically free. But I have to say, lately, even that's not really doing it for me. I don't want to say I'm depressed. I think I'm just, dare I say it, bored. I've lived away from old friends and family pretty much since high school. Yes, I've had other friends. Yes, I moved back home and stayed for a few years. Yes, I made other friends. But here we are in Alaska. I'm use to my own routine. I'm use to being by ourselves. I'm use to not having other people over all the time. I'm use to not having other people's kids messing with shit. Buttttt......I also think I'm getting lonely for friends. *whisper so they can't hear* And...I'm getting lonely for family. My only family here is a cousin and her husband. They live in Anchorage, which is 50 miles away. We don't see them very often though. I do have friends here but our lives are just so hectic that it never seems that we see each other. My only other close friend whom is also a cousin lives in fecking Wyoming!! Her husband would move here in a heart beat. Her? Not so much. She's more of a pack up and move to Phoenix kind of girl. Phoenix?!!! Really Cari???? You do realize it gets like 15,000 degrees in the shade right? You do realize that those are cactus and not trees right? And for shit's sake, that's a fucking man eating lizard not a fucking dog!!!! That shit scares me!! I've been to Phoenix. Many times. I almost moved there after I did my stent in southern CA. Key word here is almost. Instead, I packed up my shit and meandered back home to good ol' Montana. Where the men are men and the sheep are scared. BAHAHAHA!!
Life in MT is much different than anywhere else I've lived. I was born and raised in a po' dunk little town. Population: 500 (people), 5 gazillion (cows)
There were wheat fields as far as you could see. Montana is known for it's "Big Sky". It's absolutely true! You can literally see for miles and miles. It's colder than a witch's tit in the winter and Phoenix desert hot in the summer. I can sum it up for you in four words. I FUCKING HATED IT!! I came from a broken home full of resentment and some times hate. My mother married too young to a man she barely knew because she was pregnant and "that's just what you did back then". They then went on to have three more children. She divorced him because he devoted his life to hunting and fishing and alcohol, which wasn't a horrible thing. The horrible thing was, he chose to do those things with his buddies. Fuck the family!
She then went on to marry a real doozzy! He was a raging alcoholic. He was an asshole to her. He was an asshole to us. He was an asshole to EVERYONE!! BUT she stayed with the fucker despite everyone's warnings. Despite her own children's protests. They beat. the. shit. out of each other all the time. He punched holes in the walls. He flipped over chairs and tables. They screamed and hollered and drank and fought and we were in the middle of it all. She hated him. She loved him. She hated herself. She hated herself. She hated herself. Me? I hated my mother. I know, hate is a really strong word but it's the only one that I can think of that doesn't have a string of 500 curse words in front and behind it. I still don't have a lot of respect for her but that's for another blog and another time. Soooooo.....after high school, I packed all of my meager belongings in my little Dodge Shadow and scooted my happy ass to sunny Southern California! It. Was. Awesome. Small town girl in California!! I had a boyfriend there in the Marines. He and some other friends that were also in the Marines we living down there. We had a blast! Best time of my life. Then he turned out to be the dick my mom always warned me he was and we split the sheets. I moved out on my own. Stayed another year. Partied my ass off!! Then, moved back to MT. I figured I should probably grow up at some point in my life. Stop being a temp at shitty little companies making shit for wages while doing data entry. It was fun while it lasted though. Let me just say that Club A in Tijuana use to be "where it's at"!!! WARNING MOMS AND DADS: DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN PARTY AT CLUB A IN TJ!!! It's a very dangerous place where the cover charge is less than a couple happy meals and the alcohol is free! ALSO, it's crawling with Marines that have migrated south from Camp Pendelton for the evening. Very hot, muscle bound, ripped Marines. The club also stayed open until 5AM. VERY DANGEROUS!!!! But oh soooo much fucking fun!!!
I always say that I hope my children go and live their lives and explore the world. I want them to move out of state. Meet new people. Make new friends. Go on wild adventures into the wild blue yonder. But please kids, don't do it in Tijuana, Mexico!!! Strange things happen there during the day. Even stranger things come out at night!!
So now you have a little more back ground on my life and who I am. Hope you enjoyed my novel! I think this blogging thing is good for me. I don't know if you all like it but I do! LOL It gives me a chance to vent. Gives me a chance to be who I am and say what I'm thinking without "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" What child??? "He took my toy and even though we have 5 of the almost exact same thing, I want that one!!! Mommy? Mommy? MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!"
So without further ado, I must go. My wine is getting warm!!
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