I decided that I'm tired of being fat and out of shape....AGAIN!! So this morning I embarked on the journey back to the gym. That cold I had about damn near did me in! I had started the gym again but when you can't breathe, no one appreciates you coughing and spitting unmentionable things at or on them. I was doing the gym world a service!
Heading to my demise this morning made me stop and think. Scary I know but it happens from time to time. The world has so many epidemics. Malaria, dysentery, polio, hunger, AIDS. What is the most prevalent in the US? Obesity. Fucking obesity! I bitch and moan and complain because my back hurts, my knees hurt from time to time, my ankle (old injury). When all the while, it's my. own. damn. fault!! I'm fat!!!
I do wish that one day all those poor little kids in the US and abroad only ever have to worry about too much to eat.
Ok. Rant is over. Now to get the boy from preschool and go home and gorge. Unfortunately, I work out and then I have to eat or I will die. Just thankful that I have the choice to eat and live vs. not eating and dying.
Good day all!!
Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Is that someone screaming??....Holy Crap! IT'S ME!!!!!!
Hello cyberspace friends. It's been awhile. We're in the middle of spring break here in the frozen tundra. Iditarod was won yesterday in Nome, AK by Mitch Seavey. Such an exciting time for us Alaskans!!! One day I will be at the finish line....right after I get over my fear of riding in airplanes the size of tuna cans! Unfortunately, most places in Alaska are only reached by tuna cans and boats. Neither of which I'm real keen on considering if bad weather hits, you're f*cked!! There's no escaping!
Today though, today I would love to be stranded in the AK wilderness. Hell, I'll even take a hungry, just pulled out of hibernation grizzly bear vs. the smoldering smokey cauldron I call my home!! It's been windy here, too windy. The kids are stuck in the house and my allergies are working over time. It's winter! We have three feet of snow in the back yard! Yet, the wind howls and my sinuses pack up tighter than a sardine can!!
The kids are beyond maniacs. It's more of a Chuck E. Cheese's atmosphere up in here!! "....Thank you Alex. I'll take 'Time to Get Hammered and Pass Out' for $100 please!"
Hope everyone is having a joyous spring break. I myself can not wait to go back to our hustle, bustle, run around like a fecking maniac delivering children and groceries to their correct destinations and refrigerator. Here's to hoping we have set the GPS to the correct setting! Freezer burned children are a little too tough for my liking!
Have a good evening all!
Today though, today I would love to be stranded in the AK wilderness. Hell, I'll even take a hungry, just pulled out of hibernation grizzly bear vs. the smoldering smokey cauldron I call my home!! It's been windy here, too windy. The kids are stuck in the house and my allergies are working over time. It's winter! We have three feet of snow in the back yard! Yet, the wind howls and my sinuses pack up tighter than a sardine can!!
The kids are beyond maniacs. It's more of a Chuck E. Cheese's atmosphere up in here!! "....Thank you Alex. I'll take 'Time to Get Hammered and Pass Out' for $100 please!"
Hope everyone is having a joyous spring break. I myself can not wait to go back to our hustle, bustle, run around like a fecking maniac delivering children and groceries to their correct destinations and refrigerator. Here's to hoping we have set the GPS to the correct setting! Freezer burned children are a little too tough for my liking!
Have a good evening all!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Do you hear someone talking? Yeah, me neither...
How is your day going all? It's pretty quite around here. Kids cut up 5 reams of paper into "helicopters" and then scattered the pieces all over the kitchen, living room and dining room. At least we now have confetti....EVERYWHERE! Yeah!
We've had a few lessons in listening to mom as well. [thunk] WHAAAAAA!!!!! "What happened?" "T just fell off the couch." "What was she doing that she fell off the couch?" "She was standing on it cause we were going to jump in the water." They like to pretend the floor is the ocean. "Maybe she shouldn't be standing on the couch huh?" Don't listen to the mom! She has no idea what she's talking about 90% of the time anyway. She's never fell off of a couch (drunk or sober). She's never jumped from the top of the stairs and landed on her ass at the bottom! (another interesting feat we've accomplished today) She's never slid off the arm of the recliner taking out a kidney on the corner of the end table! What the hell does she know?! She's just the dumb mom!
One day....One day when they're my age and listening to their own kids trying to murder themselves on the furniture, then they'll realize, maybe that blabbing, annoying biotch was right! Maybe....one day....just maybe....but not for a looooong time from now. In the mean time....."Come here little lady. Let's put some ice on your bleeding lip. Daddy's going to be so impressed when he gets home from work. So impressed that maybe he'll be inclined to stay at home and I'll go back to work full time." BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
We've had a few lessons in listening to mom as well. [thunk] WHAAAAAA!!!!! "What happened?" "T just fell off the couch." "What was she doing that she fell off the couch?" "She was standing on it cause we were going to jump in the water." They like to pretend the floor is the ocean. "Maybe she shouldn't be standing on the couch huh?" Don't listen to the mom! She has no idea what she's talking about 90% of the time anyway. She's never fell off of a couch (drunk or sober). She's never jumped from the top of the stairs and landed on her ass at the bottom! (another interesting feat we've accomplished today) She's never slid off the arm of the recliner taking out a kidney on the corner of the end table! What the hell does she know?! She's just the dumb mom!
One day....One day when they're my age and listening to their own kids trying to murder themselves on the furniture, then they'll realize, maybe that blabbing, annoying biotch was right! Maybe....one day....just maybe....but not for a looooong time from now. In the mean time....."Come here little lady. Let's put some ice on your bleeding lip. Daddy's going to be so impressed when he gets home from work. So impressed that maybe he'll be inclined to stay at home and I'll go back to work full time." BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Love me, hate me but do not FUCKING lie to me!!
Does your child lie to you? I mean about EVERYTHING? Is it an age thing? Is it a gender thing? Will I have to go through this shit will all three of them? I gotta tell ya, I don't know if I can hack it! Go back to diapers!! Shit, I can handle. Spit up has nothing on me! Pee all over? I've got towels galore! Lying through your damn teeth while you look me straight in the eyes though? That's grounds for DISMISSAL! Dismissal as in, no one will ever find the evidence to prove it was me! You have caused your own demise here my boy!
Our oldest, Ayden, just turned 7. He's developing an attitude and a mean affluence to lying. I'm getting dinner on the table tonight. "Hey you guys. Are all the toys picked up?" A- "Yep!" (cue frantic running and toys being tossed around faster than a football at the 10 yard line). Me - "Are you sure Bud? A - "Yep! All picked up." Kye (middle son) - "No their not mommy" A - "Yes they are Kye!!!" K - Nuh huh! A - Un huh! K - Nuh huh!....You get the picture. Unknown to them, I'm standing at the top of the stairs watching this whole mess unfolding. Frantic toy tossing going on I tell ya! Frantic as hell! So I wait. I walk around the corner so to hide my voice a little and ask Ayden again if he's absolutely sure the toys are picked up. Again, "Yep!" I step around the corner to find him looking up the stairs with his arms full of toys. I confront him. "Why did you just lie to me?" Of course I get "I don't know." Nothing. Nothing pisses me off more than the "I. Don't. Know"!!! Makes me want to cut a bitch!
I remind him that this is not the first time today that he has lied to me and he needs to watch himself or the new BB gun birthday present is mine! (Judge away. Yes my 7 yr old has a BB gun. Yes, he wears safety glasses when shooting it. No, it doesn't shoot real bullets. No, he does not take off into the woods in search of dinner while ma and pa are at home tanning hides of the helpless animals he slaughtered for breakfast. That's next week's episode of "Killer of the Frozen Tundra" the Alaskan version). Anyway, the BB gun threat peaks his interest and he frantically apologizes.
Fast forward a few hours. The boys are in their room getting pj's on. They're messing around. Kye starts crying. "What happened?" Nothing. "What happened you guys?" Nothing. "Hello?! What the hell happened up there?" A - "NOTHING!!" K - "He kicked me in the stomach" A - "Did not!" K - "Did too!" A - "DID NOT!!" K - "DID TOO"...You get the picture.....
GAME OVER!!! Ayden got his extra life taken away and sent to bed. Kye & Teagan (daughter) brushed their teeth, put on pj's and went to bed. No passing GO. No collecting $200. No hanging out shopping and getting our nails done on Park Avenue! Straight. To. Jail!!! Hope you have an "in" and brought lots of smokes to trade with the nice people kids!!
Mommy's about to crack into a bottle of wine and read more 50 Shades of "Mr. Grey, you are a very fucked up man"! Hope your night is as peaceful as it is here right now.
I posted this earlier on my page. A share from "That one fb page". I do believe it just about covers it....
I do you guys. I really, really do!! LOL
Night all!!
https://www.facebook.com/PassTheWineMommysOutOfSedatives
Our oldest, Ayden, just turned 7. He's developing an attitude and a mean affluence to lying. I'm getting dinner on the table tonight. "Hey you guys. Are all the toys picked up?" A- "Yep!" (cue frantic running and toys being tossed around faster than a football at the 10 yard line). Me - "Are you sure Bud? A - "Yep! All picked up." Kye (middle son) - "No their not mommy" A - "Yes they are Kye!!!" K - Nuh huh! A - Un huh! K - Nuh huh!....You get the picture. Unknown to them, I'm standing at the top of the stairs watching this whole mess unfolding. Frantic toy tossing going on I tell ya! Frantic as hell! So I wait. I walk around the corner so to hide my voice a little and ask Ayden again if he's absolutely sure the toys are picked up. Again, "Yep!" I step around the corner to find him looking up the stairs with his arms full of toys. I confront him. "Why did you just lie to me?" Of course I get "I don't know." Nothing. Nothing pisses me off more than the "I. Don't. Know"!!! Makes me want to cut a bitch!
I remind him that this is not the first time today that he has lied to me and he needs to watch himself or the new BB gun birthday present is mine! (Judge away. Yes my 7 yr old has a BB gun. Yes, he wears safety glasses when shooting it. No, it doesn't shoot real bullets. No, he does not take off into the woods in search of dinner while ma and pa are at home tanning hides of the helpless animals he slaughtered for breakfast. That's next week's episode of "Killer of the Frozen Tundra" the Alaskan version). Anyway, the BB gun threat peaks his interest and he frantically apologizes.
Fast forward a few hours. The boys are in their room getting pj's on. They're messing around. Kye starts crying. "What happened?" Nothing. "What happened you guys?" Nothing. "Hello?! What the hell happened up there?" A - "NOTHING!!" K - "He kicked me in the stomach" A - "Did not!" K - "Did too!" A - "DID NOT!!" K - "DID TOO"...You get the picture.....
GAME OVER!!! Ayden got his extra life taken away and sent to bed. Kye & Teagan (daughter) brushed their teeth, put on pj's and went to bed. No passing GO. No collecting $200. No hanging out shopping and getting our nails done on Park Avenue! Straight. To. Jail!!! Hope you have an "in" and brought lots of smokes to trade with the nice people kids!!
Mommy's about to crack into a bottle of wine and read more 50 Shades of "Mr. Grey, you are a very fucked up man"! Hope your night is as peaceful as it is here right now.
I posted this earlier on my page. A share from "That one fb page". I do believe it just about covers it....
I do you guys. I really, really do!! LOL
Night all!!
https://www.facebook.com/PassTheWineMommysOutOfSedatives
50 Shades of F*cked Up
Good morning my fellow wine-os!!!! How was your evening? Oldest son had karate then home to fight the masses. I spent a majority of the night arguing with kids just to sit down and eat their damn dinner. Kids are bums!! Geez!!
So onward and upward....please excuse the pun.
I finally started the friend's husband tested, friend highly approved 50 Shades of Grey last night. Ummmm....ahhhhhh.....duhhhhhh......ummmmmm.....
He is one seriously fucked up individual!!!! I won't leave any spoilers here on the off chance you too are just now getting the opportunity to read it. But wow!!! Grip your bondage straps tightly! It's ummmm.....interesting. I'm not sure it will be the aphrodisiac everyone raves about but I'm trying. LOL
Guess I'm much too analytical for books such as these. I was hoping for an all out porn! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Well better get back to making my coffee. That "interesting" individual Mr. Grey kept me up until 0330. Gonna need it for this day!!
I'll chat later.
Have a great day friends!
So onward and upward....please excuse the pun.
I finally started the friend's husband tested, friend highly approved 50 Shades of Grey last night. Ummmm....ahhhhhh.....duhhhhhh......ummmmmm.....
He is one seriously fucked up individual!!!! I won't leave any spoilers here on the off chance you too are just now getting the opportunity to read it. But wow!!! Grip your bondage straps tightly! It's ummmm.....interesting. I'm not sure it will be the aphrodisiac everyone raves about but I'm trying. LOL
Guess I'm much too analytical for books such as these. I was hoping for an all out porn! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Well better get back to making my coffee. That "interesting" individual Mr. Grey kept me up until 0330. Gonna need it for this day!!
I'll chat later.
Have a great day friends!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Not sure how this blogging crap works...
I was sweeping and picking up the endless barrage of toys with a million thoughts of what I want to write on this page going through my head. All the while wondering how the hell to put 'em all together. "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" keep popping into my head. Remember that back when SNL was actually funny? Haven't watched that in years! I also wondered if writing little snippets here and there would just annoy people. Then I thought, who cares?! It's MY blog! Then I remembered if no one reads it then it is indeed just that...MINE! How boring!! That was not my intentions for starting this! I need adult interaction people! I'm dying over here! LOL
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